I only needed someone to talk to ...

Hi, my name is Camille and let me share you my story

Before I went to LP4Y , I was lost I had no goals, no plan in life.

I wasn't able to finish college because of poverty. So I have to work at an early age

Life was like an endless cycle of the same routine. I wake up, eat, work, then go to sleep. Until my brother introduced me to LP4Y Foundation. After his graduation I eagerly sent the requirements to Mathilde who was the coach of Green Program at that time.

I've waited months to be able to join this Life Project 4 Youth.

I remember my first day, where I was so excited to learn new things.

I remember the trainings, the relationship I formed with other youths and coaches.

LP4Y helped me a lot in boosting my confidence, I was very shy and unsociable but everything improved after. I didn't just learn to speak English fluently or master excel

I learned the value of believing in myself and how I should visualized my success someday.I also believe in people telling me that I have potential

Until the day of my graduation came. I thought I was ready and confident enough to face the world again.I thought I was ready to step out of my comfort zone

My teammates, the coaches and the school were I rebuild my self.

I was late when and I was not able to come in time on my interview in CGI. I failed that day. But I refuse to be a tambay. After a week I looked for another job as a cashier in a small restaurant. At that time I pity myself a lot because I let the big opportunity slide. Until one day I got the good news that I would get another interview in CGI again.

I practiced and practiced my interview, I made sure I know a lot about the company so that I wouldn't fail again. Then after two months of being a trainee, I got the contract. I remember the sweet sound of the pen as I write my signature on my contract paper. It was the happiest day of my life because I got what I dreamt before. And I thought that was the meaning of success.

But life never ends there. it never always end on Happy endings like we saw from movies.

Sometimes it ends when we wanted everything to end.

I became suicidal, I overthink people's opinion and end up not getting enough sleep because of those things.

I hurt myself a lot of times, I smash bottles unto my head, I pulled my hair so that I would feel the physical pain rather the pain that I'm feeling inside.

I remember the night I was rushed to the hospital because of that deep cut on my wrist. A lot of people misunderstood me, they thought I was asking for attention. My family thought I was just broken hearted. They never understood that I needed help. I only needed someone to talk to.

Sometimes people don't die from mental illness, they die because of stigma.

Because no one understands how it feels like to wake up each day, finding reasons to wake up.

Being mentally ill is hard, but it's harder when someone calls you crazy, or someone tells you to just be positive and then you'll get over it.

It's like telling a blind person to open their eyes so they can see.

I took this opportunity to testify to everyone of what being depressed feels like and how stigma makes them feel.

So If you see a friend, struggling to get out of bed help them and encourage them to stand.

We will never know if someday they ran out of reasons to wake up.

And If you have a friend who struggles to sleep at night, talk to them ask them if they are okay cause we will never know how tired they are fighting with their demons inside their head.

And If you are the one struggling today, I hope you take care of yourself. I'm proud of you cause you're doing your best and your still alive today.

If you need someone to talk to, we are always here and you aren't alone in fighting the unseen battles.

We are here to listen, I am here to listen.

You see success is not about the type of job you get or how much money you earned.

Success is about your growth from each path you take and being the better version of your self from yesterday.

I speak my old self who died 3 years ago,

I speak for the people who died from suicide,

and to my friends who have existential crisis,

I am Camille and this is my voice.

Ricamille Ocubillo Manalastas,